


Chaos Theory

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s04e01-02 20 Hours in America, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-17
Updated: 2005-02-17
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Sam knows more about Chaos theory than he's admitting. What happenswhen Mallory and Sam have the conversation about why they never dated.





	Chaos Theory

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

> Author: Francesca 
> 
> Title: Chaos Theory
> 
> Characters: Sam Seaborn, Mallory O’Brian, 
> 
> Genre: CJ Cregg/Sam Seaborn
> 
> Rating: CHILD - TEEN
> 
>   
>  Set: Post Ep. To ‘ _#401-2 ’20 hours in America’_
> 
>   
>  Spoilers: Some slight for ’20 Hours’ 1  & 2
> 
>   
>  Summary: Sam knows more about Chaos theory than he’s admitting. What happens when Mallory and Sam have the conversation about why they never dated.
> 
>   
>  Disclaimers: I don't own the characters but am just using them for a  
>  while; I'll put them back when I'm done. In the words of Sam  
>  Seaborn "Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal  
>  from them outright." I'm not borrowing or stealing, just sneaking  
>  some use while no one's looking.
> 
> Author’s note:This can be a stand alone but in my head sort of follows on from ‘The Great Beyond’.
> 
> Credits and Thanks: Karen - because despite the evil Valentines Day shoppers she still finds time to read my stuff, not laugh, beta AND writes a terrific C.J and doesn’t mind if I have a ‘purple patch’ and fill up her mail box.
> 
> SAM
> 
> You know anything about chaos theory?
> 
> MALLORY
> 
> I know it has to do with fractal geometry.
> 
> SAM
> 
> That's about all I know too. But it has to do with there being order and even... great beauty, in what looks like total chaos. And if we look closely enough at the randomness around us, patterns will start to emerge. I love Josh like a brother and he's a world-class political mind but until today, I didn't know he was smarter then I was. I've worked here three years and eight months and until you sit in the room all day, you can't comprehend the chaos of the Oval Office. I had one good moment talking about the global ripple effect of budget deficit, but that was it. The rest of the day was just keeping up. And this was a pretty light day.
> 
> You know when you agree to things when you’re not thinking clearly? I’d already agreed to Josh’s request that I staff the President, despite the fact I hadn’t slept for the last two nights, and I’d only just started to drift into sleep when Josh bellowed into my answering machine in desperation.
> 
> That wasn’t the worst thing I agreed to today. I agreed to let Mallory drive me home tonight, I should have got a White House car to do it, but she came to my office to compliment me on the speech. I babbled, as usual trying to avoid all the things we don’t talk about and it seemed to go well. She’s broken up with Richard, which I admit I’m pleased about, she could and can do better, but not with me. Not with me because Mallory deserves better than a man who is in love with someone else. And I am, in love with someone else I mean. I can’t offer Mal my whole heart, not even half of it, and that’s what she deserves. But the conversation was going well, I thought but I wasn’t really thinking when she said "let me get you home. I don't think you're going to make it."
> 
> Because what I said was "Yeah. I don't think I'm going to make it, either." Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but you'd think I'd know that by now...
> 
> So we’re heading out of the office, across the bullpen and Mallory’s saying to me
> 
> "Camelot?"
> 
> "Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright."
> 
> We walk past Charlie who is heading for the Outer Oval Office
> 
> "Good night, Charlie."
> 
> "Good night, Charlie." I tell him, I wish I’d got to say goodnight to C.J but I can just about see straight, and taking Mal’ with me to see C.J would be inviting disaster. If only because she’d want to know why I’d walk over and wait in C.J’s office just to say goodnight.
> 
> We get in Mal’s car and I'm glad she's driving; I really don’t think I could have driven myself home. I’ll get Josh to give me a lift back in, in the morning, assuming he gets back from Indiana in one piece. It’s a good job Donna’s with him or he and Toby would still be in the middle of a soy bean field. (Again.)
> 
> Mallory hits the central locking as we get out of the White House gates, I’m used to Donna and C.J doing this it’s just an extra precaution and it doesn’t bother me. She’s talking to me about school, about her class and the kids, and I just lie back in the seat and listen. The car is warm and I’m barely conscious by the time we stop at my house. This is a big mistake.
> 
> I register we’ve stopped and where we are and turn to smile at her, there’s a silence for a moment. I know I’m not inviting her in, I’m just going to crash out and the way I’m feeling right now, probably fully dressed.
> 
> "Thanks Mal’. I really wouldn’t have been safe on the roads tonight. I owe you one". I unclip my seatbelt.
> 
> "I know you do" she says and there’s something in her tone which makes me look up at her. Her face is serious and this is going to be bad on so many levels. She hasn’t unlocked the car so I’m trapped here until we have ‘the conversation’.
> 
> I wasn’t expecting what she says next though.
> 
> "How long have you been dating C.J Cregg?"
> 
> Whoa, curve ball out of left field, me date C.J? Only in my dreams and if that’s an answer, then for the last four years. I can only give her the truth "I’m not dating C.J".
> 
> My voice sounds a little wistful, a little sad, even to me
> 
> "Oh come on Sam". Her mouth twists slightly, as though she’s bitten into a lemon disguised as something sweet. "Schmutsy pants? Spanky? Sam, Sam the sunshine man? You guys are like the Valentines Day column in the Washington Post. What do you call her, Snookums?"
> 
> "Mallory" I say quietly.  She looks at me, she’s listening.
> 
> "I am NOT dating C.J"
> 
> I can’t read her face in the light from the street. The map lights went off a while back when she switched off the ignition. She turns her head so it’s in shadow and I can’t see her at all.
> 
> "But you want to right?"
> 
> I am so not having this conversation. "Want to what?"
> 
> "Date C.J".
> 
> Like I want water and shade, like I want to sleep, like I wish I wasn’t having this talk right now.
> 
> "Mal’" Oh God get me out of this.
> 
> "I deserve an answer Sam. I need one. You say you owe me? Well answer that one question and consider the debt paid. Do you want to date C.J?"
> 
> For a moment I contemplate trying to lie, but she deserves the truth, that and the fact I’m not sure what she’s read in my face, in my eyes since she sprung this on me Evasion clearly isn’t going to work here, there’s no deferment.
> 
> "Yes" it comes out like a whisper, hangs in the air for a moment. I almost expect her to slap me, though I’ve promised her nothing.
> 
> "How long?"
> 
> I can't answer her, because it feels like forever. And forever would be such a cruel answer to offer her.
> 
> "How long?"
> 
> She leans forward in her seat, I can see her face again, it’s set and I get nothing from it.
> 
> "Sam" she chides. I try to let her see the tiredness that I’ve been hiding all day and something in her face changes, she doesn’t look so angry.
> 
> "How long have you had a thing for C.J?"
> 
> "For a while".
> 
> She shoots me a look and I know I’m going to have to tell her. "Since ‘Bartlett for America’, the first time".
> 
> She looks shocked, I have to keep going if for no other reason than to stop her asking me the one question I’ve got to avoid.
> 
> "I knew I had a thing for C.J but didn’t think it was that serious. Then after Rosslyn…." I pause for a moment and her face looks a little softer now "I knew then it wasn’t going to work dating anyone else, wouldn’t be fair to them until I worked it through. If I can’t give my whole heart Mal’ then it’s not fair to pretend I can".
> 
> The tension seems to go out of her shoulders and I hear the click of the central locking being released.
> 
> "Go on home Sam" she sounds tired.
> 
> There’s nothing I can say, so I start to move. Then she speaks again.
> 
> "Does she know?"
> 
> I shake my head, "What am I supposed to do walk up to her and say ‘hi C.J I can’t get you out of my mind?".
> 
> Mal inclines her head "It’s a start".
> 
> I just shoot her a look, ‘cause it’s a crazy idea and she knows it.
> 
> I lean over and open the door I’m half out of the car when it comes.
> 
> "Do you love her Sam?"
> 
> I’m tired and I’m already in a hole six feet deep. I want to stop digging myself in deeper but it looks like I’m not going to get the chance.Personal note: It's fair to say I'm stepping out on a limb, but I am on the edge and that's where it happens.
> 
> I give her the truth, unvarnished. In some ways it’s good to say it, to tell someone. I think of walks beneath the stars, long flights, card games, time spent together in bars, in meetings, at parties. Arguments and discussions, a broken window in a campaign headquarters and a basketball I didn’t catch because I never thought she’d notice me and throw it.
> 
> "Until the stars fall backward into a single atom in the midst of infinity, and from that atom, I will be calling her name."
> 
> I shut the car door and walk to my porch. She doesn’t start the car engine but I don’t look back. I wonder if I’ll care if Leo fires me in the morning?
> 
>  


End file.
